:(
Poor Alex. Poor Jack.
I like to the style of writing - it's fairly curt and to the point, fitting for the harsh emotions of this scene. I would recommend avoiding falling in the purple prose trap - it can be tempting with experimental writing, but I think you have it just right here.

Author's Response: Thanks for the feedback. That it is the best way for a writer to expand right? Great constructive criticism is an invaluable tool.